9.02.2018

Another day off, so far I've gotten literally twice as many hours of sleep as usual, which is one goal nailed. It's a gorgeous rainy day with hard thunder and it's supposed to persist all day. I honestly couldn't have hoped for better on a peaceful day of relaxation - both cats are even hanging with me in the bedroom, in part because they are lazy cuddlemonsters and part because the weather scares them I want this to be a break day from weed. It's gonna be tough, but i also feel it so little smoking it barely does shit. Im hoping substituting some calming herb tinctures and a buttload of CBD will do the trick Still really want to go to work in hopes that I'd see my crush but knowing i likely won't because my luck never pans out in my favor - in fact, it's always seemed that assuming a thing WILL happen is the surest way for it not to come to pass. I REALLY want some lavendar, though. Walking in this weather does sound nice, and my hair does look great. I could just wait til tomorrow and enjoy what aromatherapy i currently have today, but I'm feeling bored and bratty Man, my internal dialogue to accompany my typical indecision sure does make for a boring blog post. WONDER WHAT I'LL DOOOOOOOO On another note, i ordered a computer. Not sure if i choose correctly, there's sooooooo many fucking parts and i remember so little at this point, not that i was ever an authority on hardware. But it's the first 'new' [refurbished] computer i get to play with since my old one which i bought since 2011 - which i got to replace the one i got for Wow from Dolphin Mall sooooo many years ago (it ran incredibly for 2 minutes, there was thermal paste all over the processor's pins which i didn't discover til months later). Looking back on they barely feels like my life; barely felt like ME. i always felt so much shame over being myself - not being stronger, beating myself up for just being a mistake-making imperfect young human who had nothing figured out. Looking back i don't think i deserved all that self hatred, but i suppose that's a lesson that should carry into the present

posted by Passenger Pigeon @ 11:17